2

exchanged dog for cat

(not by choice, but space constraints)
need to find a name

1

as I pedaled by,

like I was in a movie,

he shouts "beautiful."

30

alive, and living

haikus sort of slipped my mind

for weeks at a time

20

It's my third fall here.

Now, with a dog, coffee shop,

and boyfriend, it's home.

23(August) - 19(October)

He's reading store ads

and I sit laughing/crying

because he's goofy.

(13)

follow my instincts

first with business, now with paint

colors are chosen

(14)

guy in bike kitchen

i know i know him, from where?

oh! guatemala!

(15)

mindlessly we paint

claim this space as ours, i smile

new reality

(16)

while painting, a voice

friend from high school years is here

chance encounter two

(17)

toothbrush in pocket

i show off the space, now mine

then talk of thunder

Nag myself for haikus?,

I think to almost daily.

No. Live first, then write.

(1)

We cry from laughing

and an 8:30 bed time

Prep for days ahead

(2)

get off work at one

means lethargic afternoon

slow moving life now

(17)

Series of events

Leads this sweet dog to our home

And we all want her

Just as my eyes close

I get a quiet kiss that

completely melts me

22

Don't like standing still

Can't sit in my house without

Stand up, clean, sit down

21

So tired. I'm so tired.

Full day of regular gigs.

Collapse real early.

19

talk through the screen door

about catching the first bus

at five fifty nine

18

Big dipper shines down

As I climb past fancy homes

On a night time ride

15

Even with it all

I'm really, really happy

People make my life

14

line for the bathroom

means the party's a success.

for best buddy Vlad

13

trying to keep cool

yeah, color me overwhelmed

deep breath, find money

12

physically enraged.

man who hit me with his car

attacked my boyfriend.

11

Electrical buzz

we hear is B-flat he says.

I like that he knows.

10

Double Date Dinner

Makes something official, right?

(As if it wasn't.)

9

Should be more frantic

But it's step by step work plan

To get a cafe

8

I spend tons of time

Sitting out back with him now

Feels like it should be

7

Lasagna and Love

The three hippest dudes I know

Are on my back porch

6

workday was cancelled

so i wore her sunglasses

and drove her car home

5

Is this...Are we...Weird?

Same directions, but seems forced

Still, I talk, he talks.

4

Our domestic world:

one cook, one cafe-planner,

one full-time worker.

3

Something big happened

But it doesn't feel that big

Just follows the course

2

Odd to take time off

Things are unsettled at home

And need to be scrubbed.

1

Big news, grown up choice

Made partly because he said

He could feel my smile

31

Chose my new best friend

A hammock snuggle session

Makes it real. Good call.

30

I join others here

Friday night in laundry-mat

This is our freetime

29

Mid-week barbecue

As I train friends that my spot

Is always their home

28

Seattle roommate

Now NYC meets me here

Intense catch-up sesh.

27

A failed day. So wrong.

Nothing lined up, vibe was off.

Good riddance, get gone.

26

As I chased bus stop

License slipped out, now without

Strangely, not worried.

25

Wake up so happy.

Those not yet familiar smiles

Could become routine.

24

I am fucking thrilled.

Here I am, at home, with friends.

Good vibes surround me.

23

My latest hobby:

Slow bike riding and singing

To songs I don't know.

20

Daily Pint Faceplant

One day ago it was nerves.

Now it's all sly smiles.

19

Sunburnt and Happy.

Flipping burgers for clients

In the parking lot.

18

Hours sitting, talking

Feels like small steps, but small steps

are steps for Kitchen.

17

Keeping my distance

As I sort through and dismiss

This caught me off guard

16

Midnight Skinny Dip

With an occasional flash

But mostly just....stars.

15

Quick post-work detour

And too many beers later

Mad search for some food

14

Had an interview

Walking into the office

Eery deja vu

11

Bike downtown thinking

of his pointy nose, nice face.

And that eye contact.

10

Now it's schemes non-stop

Determine where to start from

And then we'll start there

9

Big plans knocked over

Somehow now that its today

My body chose sleep

8

Aware of my charm.

I use it, but kept in check.

Turn down his offer.

7

Work out of his home.

Quiet haven in the hills.

Good to feel useful.

6

Honest, desperate.

Of course I'm not alone in

this category.

5

week gets thrown way off

i work late, stay tired, miss ride,

and get teased for it

4

As I roll on home

Fireworks directly above

And barbecue smells

3

Non-stop Saturday

Minivan from place to place

Collapse at day's end

2

Hours later, it fails.

Let's attribute it to me.

To lack of knowledge

1

Glimpse sunlit ocean

See Invisible City

Straight from Calvino

30

The most perfect house

I've ever seen or set foot in.

And it's owned by friends.

29

New friends happen quick.

Am I that personable?

When it's on, it's on.

28

Feeling slow, dragging

I think I don't eat enough

To prep for this ride

27

Keep thinking "drink less."

Then I don't. Say it again.

...but only live once.

26

Saturday Wrenching

I'm infinitely happy

Lucky to be here

25

This Critical Mass -

an LAPD love fest -

with historic strength.

24

Instead, called brother

And we talk more than an hour

And then I go in

23

General Store schemes

Or something to survive here

Sketch ideas out

22

Paparazzi shots

On bikes, paint route here to there

Five gallons of paint

21

She leaves each summer

We giggle cook and relax

And skip big goodbyes

20

Slowly gaining friends

But still feel sort of outside

Slow moving shift though

19

I thought that being

unemployed meant some free time

but I've got no time.

18

"I've never been good

with change - I hate it when it

all stays the same." - Stars

17

Match blue font titles.

Manage embarrassing waste.

Create file systems.

16

Trading pulls, we push.

Manage to close a big gap.

We're stronger in groups.

15

The "hotter outside

cause it's all about time like

Slaughterhouse Five" song.

14

Interviewed by friends

Less positive than I thought

Less formal, weaker

13

Feet hurt. Calves aching.

But! Threw an epic concert.

And raised serious funds.

12

He said some nice things

While giving a real (drunk) hug

I cried happy tears

11

Making sure it all

will line up, work itself out

by tomorrow night.

10

Order a pizza

As a way to deal with my

financial burdens.

9

And it did happen.

Bike problem east of downtown.

Helped by kind strangers.

8

Drizzle ride testing

Becomes trailblazing, pushing

bikes up steep inclines.

7

Pick up broken bikes

Become record player-less

Stuffed with Chinese food

6

We're not coherent

But we ride out to Maywood

To set up ride stop

5

Good people surround

Further my inspiration

I belong right here

4

Sent demand letter

No response means a lawsuit

For damage and pain

3

Wrote haiku 'bout past.

Abandoned 'cause I'm inspired.

I'll do what I want.

2

It was impulsive

But I was left little choice

Don't have time for this

1

Worst of it has passed.

Still fake smiles, and I'm weary.

But recovering.

31

Though he's the youngest

He's taller, calls me kiddo

Seems at least my age

30

Happy Equation:

family plus shuffleboard

plus beer plus old friends.

29

Seven years have passed

We're both exactly the same

Age hasn't changed us

28

We talk about jobs,

politics, oil spill, Utah.

Then we get off plane.

27

Korean Spa trip:

reward muscles for their work;

say sorry to skin.

26

I'm proud of my dad.

And proud to be his daughter.

Want to make him proud.

25

Tengo ganas de

comer una hamburger.

It'll happen hoy.

24

Can't keep track of hours

Something happened, I think, right?

Maybe nothing did.

23

Sunday raising funds

I poured beer for hours and hours

All for Bike Kitchen

22

Mid-day barbecue

Make some temporary friends

Say "see you next time"

21

Need warning label:

She lacks patience when hungry.

Deep breath. Test bike race.

20

Retrace steps on run.

Lost my phone on bike ride home?

No signs of it though.

19

Sometimes you just need

High alcohol content beers

With a new girlfriend

18

wolfpack hangover

no booze, just late night biking

hazy and busy

17

Another dead day

But at night, Wolfpack Hustle

Make my legs move fast

16

I woke up to read

this line: "Everything worth

knowing leaves bruises."

15

Mental Health Rx:

Rearrange Furniture With

Simpler Times Soul Dance

14

Or, to revise it:

The most I manage some days

Is eat, sleep, eat, sleep.

13

Start: Redondo Beach.

Bike: Venice. Bike: Home, Downtown.

Bike: Florence. End: Home.

12

Fill day with fake tasks

I know that I was moving

But nothing to show

11

Late night neighborhoods:

quickly typecast, fit in molds,

lose their uniqueness.

10

Almost killed someone

Later, almost killed myself

Weird feeling to shake

9

Losing hours, and days

To reading others' stories

Producing nothing

8

Joining a time bank

'Cause money's overrated

When you're running out.

7

Waiting for neighbors

To complain about the loud

Sad country music

6

Applied for one job.

Seven hundred more to go?

Or something like that.

5

Neil Young followed by

Ghostface Killah is standard

look-for-job music.

4

Long talks with two friends

Live in DC, Korea

Still feeling empty

3

Confirm with mailman

Yes, I live here alone now

Which really sucks balls

2

San Diego's fun:

rugby, tequila, great beer.

But I prefer home.

1

Before heading south

I glue my shoe together

Life analogy?

30

Am I cheating them?

Tire of talking, sort of lie.

Over this feeling.

29

Anticlimactic.

But that's that. Master's complete.

Got the signatures.

28

Paralyzed & Sad

Most I can manage to do

Is bike fast and eat.

27

Heard: "Grandpa, you should

see me jump rope now - like

Muhammad Ali."

26

Samuel Potter:

We lie sometimes, say we're twins

He's the younger one

25

I remembered it

four oh three East 4th, but it's

eight hundred East 3rd.

24

Test upper limit:

How fast, how long, can I go?

Answer: one nine five.

23

We talk religion.

How we've thought on it a lot.

And decided no.

22

My youngest brother:

Smart, mature, polite, clever,

a little crazy.

21

Hold back tears (again)

as I ask mom to watch me

closer than normal.

20

Approved, finally.

I buy archival paper,

get an awkward hug.

19

Burned thousands (thousands!)

of calories as I swept

by city, ocean

18

Wake up, eat breakfast

Back to sleep, run, go on walk

Solo dine, drink beer

17

Blue Scholars are here

Sold out show's so good we don't

Ever check watches

16

Imposing routine.

Eliminate choice, force change.

Accept Achilles.

15

Retail Therapy

sort of works, sort of doesn't

But I'm really tired

14

Opposite Clark Kent

I trade spandex for street clothes

(But not in phone booth)

13

It's a real bad sign

That I'm crying on the bus

Angsty, yeah, but true

12

Woke to a rainbow

But hours later, my ears buzz

'Cause he's moving out

11

Finally, sleep in

Make it a lazy Sunday

(Or close as I can)

10

With straight hair, glasses

Acquaintances don't even

Recognize it's me

9

Twenty-six today

So gather with closest friends

Who make it perfect

8

She's seventy plus.

Still biking fifty milers.

My new role model.

7

Who's Next. On vinyl!

Listening loud and cleaning.

And cooking. And sighs.

6

ehhck. pffffft. it's those sounds.

deep breaths; fatalistic words.

I want to shake it.

5

Compare & divide.

A calculated shopper.

One of those people.

4

The strange part of it

Is that I don't know where I'd

Really rather be

3

Unrelated facts:

It smells like Guatemala.

He called me Boise.

2

I just passed two boys

on bike after many miles.

Them: "She's going FAST!"

1

Tying up loose ends

Is taking me forever

Serious. Too long.

31

Admit unhappy.

Then think, "What of it, really?

Find something to do."

30

post-vacation stares

something in my body ticks

then non-triggered tears

29

Success! Rain renews.

And so do Seattle days.

Still scared, but refreshed.

28

Regain sanity:

comfort spots, rain stomping, and

Republican steps.

27

Big Time beer drinking

since face to face beats phone calls

I'm so glad she's here

26

I'm stupid happy

Flying into my city

Yeah, still has my heart

25

Thought it was early.

But no, a group's up right now,

playing badminton.

24

Today was last time

at physical therapy.

They're proud of my win.

23

clothes to the tailor

clothes to the dry cleaners and

clothes to the washer

22

Taught world history

to tenth graders for the day

as guest lecturer.

21

On bikes we crashed course.

Middle of night marathon.

Ladies geared? Won it.

20

More asleep than not.

Which is expected, I think,

after weeks like this.

19

Long bike, no water,

followed by some IPAs,

leads me here again.

18

I've got the sad face

but I've gotten really good

at just faking it.

17

DASHDOTDOTDOT DOT

DASHDOTDASHDASH DASHDASHDASH

DASHDOT DASHDOTDOT

16

Two quick earthquake shakes.

Did it happen? I'm awake.

But it could be fake.

15

Uninsurable.

Unless I pay six hundred.

Hope there's no falls, pains.

14

Not to sound just like

Morrissey, but Every

Day Is Like Sunday

13

Seems all I say here:

Food is good, school is near done,

future is scary.

12

Coast views: forty miles

Quick, calm pedal home: twelve miles

School work: no miles moved

11

Recently relearned

How perfect cereal is

Eat box upon box

10

Go to bed at five

The dishes stacked up dirty

Floor covered by clothes

9

How does it add up?

One dollar is twenty cans.

They do this all day.

8

MELODRAMATIC?

whine, OBVIOUSLY. sigh, DUH.

CALM, WHICH MEANS A STORM.

7

Setting: Barnsdall Park.
Laying face up in wet grass.
Clouds pass, rain drops, sun.

6

still get halfway thoughts

of what could/might happen next

nothing fully formed

5

I turned the brain off

And took the body on a

Forty mile bike ride.

4

My stress manifests

silently until reaching

it's upper limit.

3

They think it's funny.
(Fine to say 'cause we're all white.)
I promise, it's not.

2

I tried to think of
how they're dealing with her death,
but I can't do it.

1

Mixed feelings and guts.
This silly carved out feeling
with caved in brain freeze.

28

Terrified, of course
Don't know what I want to be
When I'm a grown up

27

Rain clouds rolling in
They're over Griffith Park now
Speed up running pace

26

Poof! Thesis written.
And just how did that happen?!?!
Beer magic. That's how.

25

Thesis food checklist:
donuts, cheap coffee, Big Gulp,
beer, peanut butter.

24

Commute. Intervals.
Beach bike date. Rainy ride home.
Pedaled eighty(?!) miles.

23

Scheming: Me on bike,
pulling Lauren in wagon.
She'll use road-paddle.

22

I usually
end up with left side bus seat -
accident routine.

21

Solo dance party!
Gladys, The Fifth Dimension,
Grass Roots, Prince, Police.

20

If calculations
are correct these running shoes
have fourfifty miles.

19

Me: Buy bike fenders!
Him: If I do, it won't rain.
Me: Probably true.

18

Early cooking sesh:
pesto, banana bread, soup,
lasagna, oatmeal.

17

wake up earlier
and then even earlier
the eyes just open

16

Regardless, I have
everything I need to
live with a purpose.

15

My bike (the Finest)
and I love love PCH
for a morning ride.

14

She likes how it sounds,
my phrase, "Let me know if you
have any questions."

13

Weekends disappear
Not sure how I fill them up
But I'm home, not still

12

I said "Matching tires!"
And then he's outside, like that.
I'm all smiles and grins.

11

The motivation
to be done still exists, but
I'm over subject.

10

Noticed when he writes
draws letters from bottom up.
Seems unusual.

9

Tuesdays are the worst
By nine o'clock my eyes glazed
Tired and hungry and

8

Still stuns me: want song,
send KEXP request,
and "Step Right Up" plays.

7

I am in a mood.
Surround me by strangers or
some silence, okay?

6

Nothing has happened.
Run, fix their bikes, study, eat,
drink beer, watch tv.

5

Despite real efforts,
left first rib to shoulder blade
Numb. Pain. Atrophy.

4

It's the fuji frame,
he says, I don't see those much.
(Flirts and bikes me home.)

3

Order I enjoyed:
Beer, sushi, then birthday cake.
Not right in stomach.

2

Was such an adult
for all of last week, and now
sort of paralyzed.

1

Had commute buddy
But we split at Beverly
He looked back to check

31

A long short distance
Seems lots further than it is
But I attempt it

30

The time spent staring
and time spent socializing
was about the same.

29

Next to me, on bus.
Reads "The Art of Happiness."
Hope he masters it.

28

less done than needed
and i can't seem to focus
deep breath, start again

27

Dear Movie Makers,
Stop filming outside my house.
I'd love to sleep. Thanks.

26

(Out of character?)
I lean heavy on close friends
To keep my mind sane

25

So, we get classy
While making dinner, giggling
For last show stateside

24

Walk out of the house
Attack to do list slowly
But getting it done

23

Says he goes by Hawk.
I teach him what I know of
cabling derailleurs.

22

Two adults, five kids.
We get their dinner in shifts.
Check they're all still here.

21

I like the sound that
mason jars make when I spin
the lids off and on.

20

Waiting Room Sitting
Took old elevator up
Pay with time, not bills

19

Downpour music is
Tammy's Apartment 9 and
Nina's Baltimore

18

spending more money
on records than groceries
'cause they last longer

17

Make so much small talk
While I'm selling farm produce
But it's not taxing

16

breakfast for my lunch
and breakfast for my dinner
pretty perfect day

15

Got my social on
Took perfect afternoon walk
Followed through with plans

14

Turned the music up
In two rooms and stood between
To see if they'd blend

13

Self-imposed exile,
like foreign-country-living,
no real talk for days.

12

A sneeze in my nose
But I hold back tears instead
Radio Cure plays

11

I wake alarmless
Not tired, Not ready either
But the week's started

10

Sneaking off the map
Since I don't need distractions
There's enough to do

9

New York City Bus
Drives on Sunset in LA.
I don't even know.

8

tired, exhausting dream
felt for sure I had slept late
only six AM

7

I said, bring some beer.
She brought cornbread, Tecate.
(Which is perfection.)

6

zoned out on car ride
I'm not sure where my mind went
but it's somewhere else

5

Feeling silly dumb
For I-know-better mistake
But it's righted now

4

Friends on the same bus.
They were talking when I called.
I get two for one!

3

Mile and a half in.
Shit, I forgot my helmet!
Should I go get it?

2

No frantic rushing
(resolve!! improve!! change!! do it!!)
into twenty-ten.

1

friendly new people
champagne from jim beam bottle
great partner in crime