31

Don't take in the view
On this last day of the year
Just moving my limbs.

30

My friends have babies
I do my best to make sure
I keep up with them

29

My body's less than
Agreeable even though
I'm careful with it

28

Call this to do list
"end of the year to do list,"
but it's ongoing.

27

Time. I have the time.
It's a luxury most won't
Ever fully know.

26

Yearly ritual

Of catching up with Jenna

The fountain mists us

25

Wake up to the Greens
Child on my lap, typewriting
Then I'm off to spa

24

Watch Mike wrap presents
Eat his leftovers with chips
Then watch Justified

23

Beautiful and weird

Work on something I don't get

But can't wait to see

22

Walk out the front gate
Arms stretched up to greet day, Drew
Then down flight of stairs

21

Up all night's easy.
I'm making coffee poorly
and fanning out fog.

20

Leave overnight shoot
To see Okkervil River
and enter the past.

19

I'm appalled to spend
Hours handwriting HR forms
There's a better way

18

My age is not old
But my body still fails me
Swollen from standing

17

My California

stretches years back now with friends

all over the state.

16

Orange gear and boots on
Slippery land and dead dirt
Charred hills with no boars

15

"You ok?!?" "Do you

need a pillow?" and "You're my

enchanted princess."

14

Drive north with Laura

She's exactly who I want

To talk with for hours

13

Bristle a little
Like I made mistake, didn't
Try to learn from it

12

To walk into home
Where I live alone and find
Dinner is cooking

11

Trains pass each other
Woman looks out, not at me
Beyond, trains speed up

10

She tells this story:

Grandpa's girlfriend's pets' ashes

In old tupperware

9

Can't get belly full

Eat helping after helping

Is it the winter?

8

Rewrote Loretta
From her point of view because
Townes didn't know all

7

Floating on something
Fletcher said to me while we
Walked down to Sunset

6

We've been here a year
Celebrate with petting zoo
And a couple cakes

5

First real work on set
and I learn and ask questions
on 18 hour day

3

Have new confidence
In this path I will follow
I will make my life

2

Didn't want to stay

After shorts presentation

But I did, was good

1

Unemployed, day one
A gentle ease into time
I'll set my sights straight

30

No shock, more relief
As I am let go, released
The world opens up

28

We climb up Tongva
While lukewarm coffee settles
In our brains, wakes us

27

All I wanted was
A silent day to process
Put pieces closer

26

Ten plus hours have passed
We've covered ground, mostly walked
Hone in on friendship

25

The first time ever
I call Elena and we talk
On phone to catch up

24

In a jean jacket
Bike home in the almost rain
After Jonny Fritz

22

I needed a nap
So I slept then drowsily
Did some house cleaning

21

Outside, parade-like
chants "Don't let the little things
pass you by" ring out.

20

We made a short film
And today I saw it and
Was reconnected

19

Between checking time,
Getting out of bed I got
Townes-inspired voicemail

17

Split fare four ways which
Turns out to be the best way
To get there from here

16

Have band practice and
My voice seems stronger today
Then we sing for friends

15

Something is unleashed
On back of motorcycle
When I try to sing

13

Anonymous Choir's
"Tonight Will Be Fine" repeats.
My voice along side.

12

Send instructions to

navigate Korean Spa

She'll find me in there

11

Bus driver on break
Crosses street, hands homeless man
His leftover food

10

Finish the box wine
Sadness unleashed, and he leans
We're in the kitchen

9

A role reversal
Drew bursts into house to read
Me final chapter

8

Grandpa Leo's face
Resembles Geronimo's
In certain photos.

7

A persimmon flies
Across the table among
Evening chatter

6

Across the laps of
Two great women I refuel
While making mom laugh

5

It is on the tip
Of my tongue. It is. And I
Am set free. So light.

4

"oh yeah!" child responds
to adult question, we laugh
chorus of oh yeahs

2

trash cans dominate
conversation with my mom
expose troubled roots

1

take a bud a beer

before settling in with mom

and then Drew stops by

31

Music in a room

And some could be friends power

My pedaling home

30

Grin for days melts to
Need to sit alone on roof
My two sides are clear

29

Aborted spa trip
But a sunny dining room
Is not what I need

28

my days are too full
I have a desperate need
for alone, quiet

27

His weekly show ends
Nearly 2 years ago this
Became my reset

26

Dakota and I
Climb on Drew's back as if he
Had to prove his strength

25

Stef's outta LA
She left Dijon's ashes and
Friendship reminders

24

Our routine plus Stef

Climb a mountain, drink coffee,

Go to market, rest.

23

I'm outside with Drew
When I step into a halo
A real life angel

22

Dirt road, we're lost
Address that doesn't exist
Curve corners, baffled

21

Flashbacks of visits
That she's made before while I
Circle the airport

20

Tidy house to new
Lonesome Leash album, then head
To Hyperion

19

Neighbors pass me, say,
"That looks nice whatever you're
doing." Smile, "It is."

18

Nearly sleep through shift
Make it in 16 with dreams
From night distracting

17

We talk through our hikes
Make most of Joshua Tree
A day in desert

16

Lightening in sky
So we settle in the van
As rain pours + floods

15

Designed, built bed frame
Nothing fancy; sturdy, sound
I am a builder

14

Thought living alone
Would be hard, but alone time
Has to be planned out

13

His voice inspires thirst
Along with awe as he fills
Auditorium

12

Eat nasturtium leaves
On way from one thing to next
Compare leaf, flower

11

Head to Hollywood
To hear Walt play new record
We're moved by our friend

10

Get to know new friends

Over hysterics, new world

I'm setting my course

9

I enter my house
Unsure why but door's ajar
It became a home

8

Car rolling backwards
And we're half in it, half out
For a moment stunned.

7

Little girl smiles at me
I smile back, she waves, I wave
Windshield between us

6

I will live simply
Work and cook and read and sweat
Write and talk with friends

5

Gather to make a
New home for the good people
Dinner and singing

3

Consistently give
A day each week back to self
To do what I will

2

A new quiet spot
Realization follows
I now feel alone

1

Unpack a new home
I don't feel uprooted and
My things are all here

30

With full day of move
We wrangle stuff & feelings
Last songs in Lucile

29

we've known end is near
and its waves roll over us
i stay up and clean

28

Greeted instantly
Drew, Dakota, Elena
They're thrilled I am home

27

Want to eat pancakes.
Make pancakes and eat pancakes
for breakfast today.

26

I let someone down.
Though I can rationalize,
Know it's not the end.

25

belt out songs cooking
practice getting my voice out
a muscle to work

24

As we hike down the
air shifts warm to cool to warm.
Pockets of stillness.

23

he's in some sadness
and it's familiar though
I can't touch it now

22

Drew & I record
Shed Your Love to preserve the
Feelings we're having

21

Origin story
In the dark we talk darkness
Started with hot sauce

20

thoughts are running out
on repeat as moving happens
ask (not asked) questions

19

We took to the floor
For all four sides of records
Drift as Townes speaks soul

17

I'm thirty one and
I overslept and it's fine.
Okay with myself.

16

I could backyard gaze
every night (and I do)
until we move out.

15

I'm reading in bed
He'll come in, and out loud I'll
read Harry Potter

14

apples in honey
say what we'll leave behind, but
mostly where we'll go

13

weight of dark days
should they come, but don't convince
them to existence

12

Back of motorcycle
I see more as we talk through
intersections, old haunts.

11

sorting through feelings
don't want to overstate them
while acknowledging

10

Some signs life changes
Are nearing, haven't noticed
Because I'm swept up

9

More meals at Lucile
Leave gracefully to read in
Ninety degree night

8

A pleasant and full
Day of work, then edit
Words Dakota wrote

7

Another long walk
and two pie stops with Colin
who lives here again.

6

Drew cooks egg tacos
we smile, recap evening
of music, friends, love.

5

The word magical
Almost doesn't do justice
To this party, life

4

When there's work to do
I do it, then let it go
Sink into my life

3

Received a package
Took time to sit, read, re-read
Words I want to hear

2

Tried to go dance in
The dark but waited too long
Watched They Live instead

1

Lisette rubs her socks
on both my legs for good luck.
(They're lucky cat socks.)

31

Something nags, quiet
In the background, reminds me
Life is still open

30

Watch raccoon eat grapes
As I reflect on love and
Prepare for night's sleep

29

Routines come easy
Melt into a carefree day
Make these moments count

28

I took a sick day
Stayed in bed reading, resting
Checked off some to dos.

27

I tell 2 people
I like having them around
Sincere and honest

26

Family Portrait
of Lucile Home housemates
before we move on.

25

She pulled shoulder blades
Apart again and helped me
Access a new depth

24

A GQ article
On Colbert catches life that
Processes like mine

23

Don't think in what ifs,
particulars of choices.
Open arms, be bold.

22

I will be alive
With hikes, stories, my photos.
Intentional days.

21

Babysit and read
Harry Potter for flashback
To my teenage years

20

It's been a good day
Reconnect to important
Components of life

19

This story's moral:
One of my three jobs has stopped
Challenging my mind.

18

Handkerchief in hand
I'm front row barstool swaying
While my face drips sweat

17

Cooked rice noodles wrong
But with sauce, soup and salad
We consume, catch up

16

Walking the beers out
The first line of a story
Makes me stop, write down

15

Under grape arbor
He shows me stretching routine
And it revives me

14

My brain has slowed down
Almost overpowered by
Work, yoga, friends, book

13

Hid knife at bus stop

Under some morning glories.

I find it. Big smile.

12

Take 5 pm nap
Body totally drained so
Back to bed at ten.

11

Tennis in work clothes
Then pastor tacos in
Car wash parking lot

10

Two long lady talks
With friends I keep from when I
Lived other places

9

Each day it's clearer
No people I less than love
Value what I have

8

Late night band practice
Wake and walk 13 miles to
Achieve clarity

7

Increased eye contact
With dinner and good people
Sign of something true

6

Obligation is
Not feeling like making calls
Go in anyway

5

eyes closed in hammock
listen to conversations
lull and let brain go

4

Bake midnight muffins
Post Hyperion Tavern
Tuesday sing-along

3

Anxiety Strikes!
Feel like I'm gonna hurl but
Shrub and buds settle.

2

Drew and I intend
To buy a house, we tour some
In new neighborhood

1

That inspiration
Let it guide me through my day
Sly smile, making moves

31

Return to calm life
With clear eyes, mind move forward
One foot, then other

30

Dinner Hysterics.
Open champagne, pull down light post
Fill yard with laughter.

29

Long lines, repack bags

Am running late for flight yet

Calm, okay if missed

28

too much for three lines
I'm content with life choices,
surrounded with love

27

Witness compassion
This bus is humanity
Such decent beings

26

Lush green Sunday drive
Streets I missed when living here
New sites, old city.

25

Another vision
Put in motion with question
So I'm up all night.

24

talk decompressing
in piano studio
and know the why, what

23

In a mountain lake
Gaze up at fog covered spires
Float in awe. Admire.

22

Only plan is walk
Familiar, but just foreign
enough to use map.

21

solo sensation
of strength support + spirit
on drive to airport

20

Calmly packing bag

Before sending myself to

Seattle for a week

19

We dance. Real dancing.
At work. For our own joy though
Others see, smile with.

18

Wake quickly to rain

Morning lightening follows

Thunder, nature sounds

17

Fear waking up late
My body triggers me up
Before alarm does

16

Stack one thing on next

Keep trying to figure out

A graceful exit

15

The day was just fine
Tail end, Jim swings by for tongs
Friends up the day's vibe

14

Friends and backyard meals

Conversation and dinner

Important habit

13

sometimes I forget
my city's people, habits
walk and immerse self

12

Stuck at can't go home
Channel younger self, hang out
With work friends at work

11

Solo bike all day

Sweating like I've been swimming

Read, eat, drink, laugh, ride

10

During a work break

Ice cream truck sound approaching

Mike runs to get cash

9

We try a new song
And sing the old one with strength
Learn to put heart in

8

Giggling in kitchen
Before two soups with three friends
Surrounded by good

7

How to convey how
Much his music moves me and
Get caught in word web

6

Cranky and annoyed
Not sure how to unwrap and
Get back to my work

5

Eat donuts, drink beer
With old friend, pick out stories
From the last decade

4

Plans busted but we
Hike below a bridge so he
Can play in water

3

True fear from a sound
Call out loudly, surround child
Heart beating, catch breath

2

I speak of knowing
this place based on the fact there's
a square tree I've seen.

1

Impending camp trip
Packing up so I'm ready
For adventure time

30

Close out a week and
Watch final episodes of
Justified. The end.

29

Home but no power
Read with camping lantern and
Turn in so early

28

Keep shaky eyes on
Pages while I work beer out
Of system with words

27

Nervous, but sure of.
So I Outpost for last show
Feel the smiles, music.

26

Disappoint myself
But keep letting it go as
My life's aligning

25

Ha! I'm still stubborn.
And am pushing for outcomes
Knowing it's in vain.

24

Baking in the sun
Burning gas just to stay cool
Then move bunch of stuff

23

Brain dead daze followed
Not a let down because
Clarity was gained

22

Night ends in good tears
I state clearly why I'm alone
How sadness takes hold

21

Way too much coffee
Chase caffeine with beer, music
Try to even out

20

Awake early enough
To get alone time before
Full day with my friends

19

Getting man crazy
A sign for me to follow
Make honest attempts

18

Cleaning their closets
And reworking in my brain how
Supporting role works

17

Henry jumps on bed
Sings "I'm a girl butterfly"
In between squealing

16

catch myself saying
things too fast, without hello
being first, cause pause

15

Backyard we might lose

Tonight sitting and talking 

And enjoying it

14

I'm saying "yes" now
I will stay out late with friends
Even on work night

13

When free days show up
I fully immerse myself
In freedom of time

12

Smog Cutter singing

Drew and I wait to belt out

Mind Games to the bar

11

Two hugs for my work
After I organize clothes
Clear space in closet

10

My sincerity
Comes across as sarcastic
But I do mean it

9

My plans were made but
They didn't pan out so I
Amble home early

8

Injury allows
Me to work from home which is
Its own kind of break

7

Bruised foot makes me stand
As still as possible while
Running register

6

maneuver large van
with help from men who find me
unique in this sea

5

Matt and I sip Buds

Inside Paramount street sets

For a quick work break

4

Day's barely begun
We've got to call it a night
I could stay for hours

3

I'm all smiles and laughs
Finished my short story and
High hopes of a show

2

Second time this week
I've been asked why I stopped with
creative projects.

1

Still on warm wind wave
From a weekend adventure
Possibilities

31

I'm up with the sun

Time to watch the world go by

From a shaded spot

30

His voice strong and clear
We all know all of the words
And they fill us up

29

With Mike and Lisette,
I dive into a music
filled desert weekend.

28

Writing words again
Of a string I'll unravel
Processed and captured

27

Walked the reservoir
Talked similar life struggles
Stay aware of selves

26

When did I last cry?
Can't remember, was it Dij?
Like they say, it passed.

25

I learned to shoot guns
Wasn't very good at it.
Hit metal pig, twice.

24

So I saw my past
And let it go, now I'm home
Plan on writing down

23

Sun setting light on

Rainclouds, corner of blue sky

Rainbows during dusk

22

Among the angst, feels
Words written to me reveal
I've been fucking loved.

21

A comfort to know
(however embarrassing)
I am who I am.

20

Sam and Tecate,
Assorted friends who love him,
And therefore, love me

19

Solo in my world
Used to it, in a good way
Watch in-flight sunset

18

Close to my limit
Tired, and see steam running out
Good thing, going home.

17

Sandwich it all in.
Work, craigslist, work, yoga and
a moment with friends.

16

Hours of pool games passed
and a late night diner meal
Sing, I drive us home

15

I describe my life.
Jefferson says it sounds like
rainbows all the time.

14

Bond with pool, ping pong
We're being wooed and know it.
Have fun with Irvine.

13

never as much done
as we're trying, but still, steps
closer to merging

12

Mike and I explore
To the beach in our work clothes
Feet in sand, tipsy

11

That heavy cloud that's
Been following is still there
But it will not rain

9

Slowly building my home
LA stuff in one place and
Letters arriving

8

Alive Attitude
If I keep my head up, then
My body follows.

7

Still live in quiet
Not retreating, doing good work
Keep home life simple

4

Martini worknight.
We bitch, but also plan for,
Because we're all in.

3

A weekend of thought.
Yes, I am doing things I've
Been meaning to do

2

Earplugs in to sleep
They play, sing Piano Man
One room next to me

1

Alone. And so tired.
Moments before sleep think, "Am
I profoundly sad?"

30

I have enough time
to meet up with now old friend
Cover last few years

29

revel romantic
and all these would be feelings
I don't have but could

28

My eyes get crossed and
The boss agrees to question
How my time is spent?

27

Familiar train ride
Back to commutes and long days
Stay optimistic

26

After some pool games
We leave Willie Boys Saloon
Head home, spirits' high

25

Whipping wind winding
Roads and sand too deep to drive
Find the land, no signs

24

Hike where we belong
Set up tents in the moon-dark and
Quickly get sleeping

23

Porch-sit talk with Drew

Hold some life pieces up and

Keep burning both ends

22

Balance means no sleep

Three bands, three languages sung

At my new best place

21

Back in the same place
Talk through my brain's patterns and
Think about acceptance

20

Thinking deep thoughts while
Watching Electric Wizard
From the balcony

19

Embracing this life
Struggling to find its purpose
While moving quickly

18

Wake up with the birds,
Baseball in the park, new friend,
Coffee in backyard

17

No sleep processing

Too tired to make sense of it 

Feel oddly at ease

16

Final night, end up
alone at wine bar with some
sentimental songs.

15

Loss Veh-Gahs Buffet
side splitting laughs in between
food, plate after plate

14

Feel my own power
When based on this world, feels fake
But still ego boost

13

Day one goes smoothly
Great to see puzzle pieces
Fitting, killing it.

12

Shoes full of spilt beer
We laugh though with our liters
Nonsense work goofing

11

My work culminates
In this week-long Vegas trip
with most of office.

10

Called in back up help

And we needed it but now

I think we're ready.

9

A van picks us up.
We're traveling in a pack
for show on birthday.

8

Work gets in the way
of what I'd prefer to do
But I can't get out.

7

Bizarre star-filled night

HOWL inspired acts, or just acts

Either way, special.

6

Accept my mistake
Still trying to fix it but
Cop to the whole thing

5

Up as the moon sets
We swap memories until
Customers show up

4

Listen to the birds
Birdsongs echo, moon hovers
Over earth at night

3

Choosing home before
Biking out into the dusk
To see a new friend

2

My mission is set
A consumption of goods day
Spending my money

30

"Walk faster!" he shouts.
Don't look, don't speed up, just keep
Going my life's pace

29

In a rush walk home
Halfway up it's not my hill
Damn autopilot

28

Backyard breakfasting
Start a quiet restful day
Float on no to dos.

27

Heart feels full again
My brain's electricity
As night builds and builds

26

Gonna follow new
road and see how I like it
or if it's made clear.

24

Simple things swirling
In my brain while night begins
Basics are covered

23

An adult, I share
A bedroom with my friend Drew
It's not weird at all

22

Motions and stillness
Weave life into a pattern
That I'll wear awhile

21

Vivid fiery dream
House in flames, up flight to front
Tears and fading fear

20

Allowed myself to
Work hard but mix it with fun
Keeps it from too much

19

Push day to limit
Work then volunteer then work
Then home and more work

18

Read story out loud
(a very very short one)
They like the last line.

17

We're in the band's way
I grab onto the bar and
Balance on column

16

After our efforts
We converse quickly decide
That it's the right choice

15

I'm in a hammock
A sneeze echoes out the house
Sway in the morning

14

A day with no things
Just walk and talk and breathe and...
Move through time in sun

13

Shit work, but no stress.
Because it's not me, this job.
I live outside it.

12

In car, to myself
A goofy, confident smile
Pours out and stays on

11

Float on a good week
Equilibrializing
(Not a word? My state.)

10

I'm the stranger here
Not anonymous for long
Since this is my home

9

Old man sings his songs
(Including Black Rose, my fave)
I am here, thankful

8

Roll one day to next
This even state of getting
By, and making do

7

Glorious sleep-in
Leads to work, then event where
I nestle in place.

6

Beers close out the day
Before other job where I
Play the handyman

5

My newfound soup skills
Make and eat dinner with friends
And lunch for workdays

4

Watch another film
My coworker recommends
Get educated

3

Almost feel human
(but not quite) as I walk home
with friends, use some words.

2

Try to prove myself
To myself, used out of whack
System. Must abort.

1

Stunning clouds from rain
(and hail) open up, reveal
mountains, trees. The views!

28

Three of us make way
To new ground on our own trail
Makes weekend magic

27

My work is just work
So let it go, start weekend
With night hike to camp

26

Anticipate. Cancel
volunteering to ensure
there's room for my job.

25

No time for thinking
Just strategize to stay in
Make space for myself

24

Getting ready for 

Bed ritual is the best

Love prepping for sleep

23

More days of work to
Set mind at some sort of ease
Work 'til you make it

22

Slammed work so move quick
Smile, be honest, in spite of challenge
Of morning's weird mood

21

wake up in child's bed
well rested for driving miles
and wrangling cousins

20

tasks are made clear yet
I still work over 12 hours
backtracking, fixing

19

A get shit done day
Includes banh mi and beer break
Feel grown-up and good

18

it's tomorrow now
and still the uncertainties
are here. so am I.

17

write pictures with words
with enough I'll be able
to reflect a life

16

Should have said, "thank you,"
when complimented on blouse
instead of goofing.

15

Work, exercise, sleep
All the days, every day
Not rut, a routine

14

Think about leaving
But house is sanctuary
And I like it here

13

Weekday coffee sling
Familiar faces, smiles
To Go Drinks rhythm

12

Driving game's not on
Don't think ahead and waste time
Getting back on track

11

Not sure about this
but solidarity works
in strange ways; we're in.

10

Bike, then walk, up hill
Reflect on strength and time passed
Echo Park holds me

9

tough work HR thing
on right path, then disrupted
and it's off the rails

8

Sun rises, and so
Do I, make coffee, finish
Book, head home for work

7

We laze around and
Slowly make a plan for day
Date shakes, desert drives

6

Unlock gates in dark
Curving up hill with brights on
Singing the sad songs

5

Growing self-esteem
Feeling changes, though minor.
Reflect on journey.

4

Words are not equal

Talking to certain people

Moves me so much more

3

SO MANY FEELINGS
review cycle through relive
it's processing time

2

Pack up cats in cage
They cry in fear, I'm silent
Gonna be okay

1

Get a sound massage
Lower back releases, and mind...
My mind... it breaks free

31

Sometimes 2 couples
and a weekend to get that
we didn't have it.

30

Tries to persuade me
By singing all the words right
So I'll unlock gates

29

Eating as a house
Put together new normal
Jump in my new skin

28

Run into Laura
on the street, explain that I
struggle to reach out

27

Sadness still seeping.
Play is Molly sweating or
crying? Answer is both.

26

work could be heavy
but colleague and I focus
on the positive

25

Dumpsters full of books
We go in searching for gems
Under the streetlamps

24

Feel so powerful
As he talks of my beauty
And I turn him down

23

Hours on city streets

Learning a new place, clear mind
Feel at ease, open

22

Dig deep to climb up
Wear out legs and mind chatter
Sweat leaves body cold

21

Name over airport
loudspeaker - left travel book
on the airplane seat.

20

Up early, back to
PT to sort out body
keep trying to fix

19

House singing Jolene,
Starfish and Coffee, and then
Don't Think Twice. Swept up.

18

Read: "Outside the wind
has its own permanent gig.
And was still blowing."

17

Clean out these closets

For new housemates in a room

In this now-my-house.

16

Nights are the hardest
What put the wind in his sails
Took it out of mine.

15

My words mostly light
Doing what I want, and when
Heart still so heavy

14

May have hit progress
I say out loud on walk home
"What do I want?" Think.

13

her footsteps up stairs
into the house, I porch sit
wait til she appears

12

Self-esteem plummets
(And it was already down)
How do I shake off?

11

continue working
stashing my cash for the day
a plan emerges

10

Nothing beats walking
Down hill in the rain to see
Yenni and Parker

9

On edge in these streets
But safe with Drew, who gets it.
(Feel dumb to feel this.)

8

Disgust registers
When I think of his face now
Which means something, right?

7

Group kitchen stretching
We're on the floor on our backs
Pushing out the pain

6

Body feeling bad
On top of brain on backwards
Where it's all my fault

5

All the homes are full
Keep calling though, to find one
on my desired blocks.

4

Customer asks me
why I haven't been to Jay's
(Don't tell her I'm scared.)

3

Tired legs from dancing
Know I should repeat it soon
Sweat out my bad feels

2

I hop in the car.
She offers me red lipstick.
I say yes. We dance.

1

Sit with now-my cats
Fireworks, voices drifting in
Tiled blue-green bathroom