31

last sound of the year
geese honk as they fly over
they go in the dark

30

Reveal absolute
Inability to play
Will's son's fave game well.

29

Drift where I've turned up
Visualized as some wave
Frothy, forgotten

28

Known her my whole life

And here I am in her house

Our talk natural

27

Dad tells me his thoughts
As we walk his 10 mile loop
He, too, has daydreams

26

Jessi and I grow
More alike as the years pass
Our instincts were right

25

It's not quite cozy
Easy conversation and
Lottery scratchers

24

Go to mass but the
Real celebration's after
Drive to Sam's, play cards

23

Hot springs in the snow
Next to a creek I'll stand in
After we cross log

22

Alone on ridgeline
Silent snow-covered sparkling
(And still not enough)

21

Front door creaks as dad
Gets newspaper and I hop
Right outta my bed.

20

Parents pick me up

Home, I'll sink in, I'll be here

Not sure how I am

17

Dreamt my face was full
Of freckles and my life was
Weird and in the sun

15

hearing it now, and
recognizing people say
it before I do

9

crop rotation as
a way to understand brain's
behavior right now

8

almost pass out or
something no hunger pains but
body quits, gives way

7

Someone else dreamt of
Me. Hitchhiking, the sign said
Washington. I went.

6

Known I'm in nightmare
Debate if I can escape
Through bathroom window

5

Look at the grey street
Flip through mind's file cabinet
Where I sat like this

4

See notice for mass
burial service too late.
Intend to attend.

1

he's not quite frantic
as he pulls things from his bag
looking for his phone

29

As she cuts my hair
Leti says the way the gray
Shows is like tinsel

26

I know I drove by
Confusion Hill on drive north.
Did that spur these thoughts?

25

an unexpected
home-cooked meal with people I
would like to live like

24

Day that makes work feel
Like a distant memory
Learn to shed quickly

23

often chasing light
on others' behalf and it
wears my body down

22

Denny's cook walks out
And thus disrupts these poor plans
for Thanksgiving meal

21

Drive, u-turn, repeat
Then hook up, tow in traffic
Learn how this length feels

12

Accidental speed
Try to find the meat of it
I talk in circles

11

Just a hike (That's all?)
Desert remedy doesn't
Take this go around

10

none of my clothes fit
and by clothes, I mean my time.
limbs snapped, force a fit.

29

She's in and out of
service but keeps calling back.
We piece together.

24

Can't comfort my mom.
Wish I could and I must learn.
But I don't know now.

15

Somehow, to process,
I overwhelmed myself with
facts about salmon.

10

swim and celebrate
laughing with Lisette, Coral,
Michael and Laura

8

bent nails in pockets
bits of sage, remnants of there,
car's emptied, I'm home

7

A thought: I don't know
how much I need the world or
how much it needs me.

6

...I also want it
to be known the universe
is working with me.

5

Eat chicken fried steak
as heart sinks. Reorient
compass to head home.

4

Shaken, I drove on
Piece together what follows
Must wake in forest

3

With our arms around
We stand on what is now his
Us washes over

2

Now's truly unknown.
Find myself in Tacoma.
Chase clouds, drive away.

1

Can't recognize the

front of his old building, though 

I knew it well once.

30

rain remnants, blue sky,
and lingering shadow of
clouds fused to my blues

29

Climbed Mt. Si and proved
I'm stronger now than I was
(Why did I need proof?)

28

Legs need rest but I

add work searching for quiet

spot with no hikers.

27

Car pulls over, she

says, "I think that's quite special!"

to companion.

26

skip in my step's from
guessing roads, deer, chasing light,
having plans be foiled

25

First easy sunrise.
Get to feel the colors bloom.
Thirty-five days in.

24

I still want to read
Until the light disappears
As I did when young

23

on a route that is
finding the brain space to sense
what I might need now

22

And then when you stop
Made it to stillness / Time slows
And it is enough

21

on a search for still
can't get alone for enough
feels appropriate

20

(At the core of it)
My observations can give
Strangers sense of ease

19

Will I remember
I saw no shooting stars or
Just that there were stars

18

A detour through Bend.
And we've all cried shitty tears.
My arms stretch, contain.

17

Think "I'll be afraid
another day" and mean it.

(The fear's unspoken.)

16

Work I agreed to
There are still things I must do
Outside feeling blue

15

At one point, wind whipped
The sound of war, destruction
Just noises earth makes

14

Feel trapped; trap myself.
How often do I limit?
Place parameters?

13

wet forest holds us
cedar tubs filled, but it's the
company I keep

12

We have gravity,

you explained and I felt it

bind my life to yours.

11

Rings of Saturn plays

Re-reading The Emigrants

Rain & tears, equal

10

feel "Love is not a
symptom of time / Time is just
a symptom of love"

9

Reclining on rocks,
Or, likely I'll remember
This day forever

8

I turn up the charm
Refrain from speaking the roots
Of my emotions

7

Mostly listening
But with Bodie, I process
Pup has grounded me

6

Signal glitch causes

"Any Man of Mine" to play 

Throughout this phone call

5

both of our lives are
designed for maintenance of 
possibility

4

I trust my methods
even as they present as
thing I couldn't do.

3

Think of ownership

How we take, expect, feel owed,

Believe we deserve

2

I'm part of landscape
Horses notice and approach
Bodie checks on me

1

Horseback on land my
college friend's husband's parent's
have raised their boys on.

31

Been living. Falling
Out of habits I meant to
Keep. Let's try again.

30

today's plan completely

revolved around the farmer's 

market in Hardin

29

Think of the loose ends

I've left behind, how they fade

Intention shadows

28

heart heaviness stays
faced with past (WHAT I HAVE LOST)
at Big Horn Museum

27

Day six, switched out of
The one dress I've worn driving
Since leaving LA

26

Watch deer cross river
My coffee cool, so I gulp
Hit snooze twice today

25

Can't comprehend the
Earth's boundaries, my heart, brain
More unknown than known

24

Feel passing question
"Is this your happy place?" as
praise of my posture.

23

rain sheets stop traffic
push on at ten miles per hour
thunder shakes, then hail

22

edge of comfort zone
touched in vacant campground next
to a clanging sign

21

Posted and sold van

In under twenty four hours

(Was mine for 10 years)

20

there are people who
I feel quite connected to,
despite the distance

16

I'll sway solo while
(Who could've I invited?)
She performs "Harmless"

15

Take photo of my
Shadow in case I need to
Prove that I exist

14

We leave the windows
Open and he doesn't brake
As he reads the roads

9

Blurry even when

It was happening, but warm.

A dream, with Eric.

8

fuck me, her name is
WHITNEY! & I make a note
so I'll remember

7

DMV worker
Says Girl Power! as she gives
me moto license.

2

Lady on the street
just told me I didn't look...
(I didn't note the rest.)

28

Drip sweat picking lock
Really wracking my brain for
Options to break in

18

Order too much food 

as a way to remember

that I miss Michael

17

Limits tested from
So many angles - it's shrug
I'll stay in trailer

14

A man sneezed on me
(an accident) as I passed
him hiding in shade.

10

send fanmail to marc
thanking him for The Humans,
among other things

5

an empty campground,

too close to neighbors, day breaks

i scurry away

4

Fall, my wrists catch me.
Pass snow, choose a lake, sit down.
Solo skinny dip.

3

Jack and I swim out
To the island. He names it.
We're both introverts.

2

The first night, nightmares.
Know they're dreams, can't find way out.
Accept it means death.

1

Out loud, to myself,
sighed, "What do I want to do?"
Decide, for today.

30

someone somewhere was
practicing trombone when
I woke up today

28

Need respite, arrange

To sleep elsewhere. Bugs. Full moon.

Blues headed my way.

25

"Ever wonder where
people come from?" "Have you played
roller coaster game?"

22

I don't even know
what loose thoughts are rattling
in brain unresolved.

21

dentist had to keep
adding novocaine because
I'm feeling it all

19

The Humans moved me.
How are we rooted and what
Will we sacrifice?

17

He's here alone too.
I imagine meeting him.
Then his friends show up.

16

The cloudy sky keeps
Night light, it's not ominous
Let me hold this tight

15

I prefer to be
A pretzel, legs folded up
Beneath me, perching.

14

Repeat to myself
I am doing enough and
Today believe it

13

I let this go as

I dove into new rhythm

Whispering softly

9

Deep dive into how

His death impacts people who

Knew him in real life

8

another stranger
stops their life. i believe it.
cupped palms are heavy.

3

Poison oak lingers
Not going away like I
Imagined it would

2

I'm falling in love
With strangers again, which says
My heart is ready

1

I just want to hear
Her voice as she struggles to
Remember her life

31

We drive to Belen
No specific location
In search of Helga

30

grandma tells us that
grandpa said "we made it" and
that she was so moved

29

Have a meal at a
sad Wendy's after driving
through Arizona.

28

Figured I should get
in the car with my parents
as they head eastward.

27

Man walks with large branch
Over overpass. Below
I go 85.

25

Finally used up
the last bit of flour Michael
brought from Lucile House

13

I'm talking to mom

About things instead of lists

A conversation

3

We heard the horn honk

Weren't sure Gave him our water

Led him to ER

2

See myself in mom,
as she reacts to this hike
that's too hard for her.

1

Mark and I find the

Discovery Center

unchanged since childhood.

30

Surprise our father
with our presence on his last
(almost) day of work.

29

Top of Camel's Back
Mark and I wandered to watch
this Boise sunset

27

At Canters, with my
Insides swirling. Try to get
lists to keep me calm.

24

walk away from set
weave through neighborhoods en route
to see a movie

23

To calmly explain
Reality (not "my truth")
Is everything.

22

Regular days off
Really do revive and I
Feel myself growing

21

Let me think of it
As a scar, and then I'll see
That it needs to heal

20

Aloneness is where
I find myself and it's nice
To get lost in it

19

I make long shadows.
Pulling out and away from
The heels I've dug in.

18

The people who love

Me are growing, they're not fixed.

This must mean good things.

14

Olivia and

I now specialize in hikes

that we start too late.

11

Thought I saw Michael
with a dog in Silverlake
but it was not him.

9

Step out, call him back,
Somewhat surprised. Have we had
Birthday calls before?

8

adapt to blurry

landscape & changing terrain

I will not be fixed

7

Took myself to see 

Hari Kondabolu do

some jokes at Ebell.

6

Complete exhaustion
Buy a Rick's Super Buy and
Start decompressing

5

sending out call sheet
as karaoke goes on
at birthday party

4

it's not too hard but
definitely in over
my head. fear failure.

25

Let's go back in time
I'll start in December and
Upload these haikus.

20

Two coyotes on
my street feels important, want
to see where they sleep.

19

When the tornado
Comes into my brain, I stay
Calm, tell it to pass

18

Wrestle to get the
Words just right. So they say just
What I felt that night.

17

Recall, after we
sang There Ain't No Ash Will Burn
I led Don't Think Twice.

16

she had a dream where
she was sad and channeled me
and got on a bus

15

no exploring here

just talk with old friends of where

we are, what we mean

14

put me on a train
at sunrise and I'll wring out
this life I'm living

13

He described this bar

(hidden, beat-up, tiny) as

very you. I go.

12

I leave first so I
can walk these dark, cold streets in
the snow by myself.

11

solo drinking and
pianist plays Honesty.
this is my heaven.

10

We buy pizza for
the train ride to Philly and
rush to the station.

9

lesson very learned
can't catch up with folks and get
my stories written

8

just because it's all
coalescing doesn't mean
it won't make you cry

7

stick me in a nook
where I can see the action
but go unnoticed

6

little girl and mom
eating ice cream in airport.
eye contact and smile.

4

Try to beat Cody
at Mario Cart. Who am
I kidding? I lose.

3

I've felt the earth shake
when reality's revealed.
I go back for clues.

2

ice cream scooper reads,
I stare, he feels my eyes, cranes
his neck to see me

27

my first LA friend
has my number memorized
still. she recites it.

26

Try to find the most

perfect diner on way home

from Dockweiler Beach

25

Paced this stretch of sand
Hefting speaker over head
And it's still too soft

24

Bartender gave me
a free jello shot, which I'll
eat by the quarter.

23

Andy and Rachael 

buy me ice cream post Forage.

Talk of a lost friend.

21

Lisette and I drive
down and only buy what was
on grocery list.

20

This Future Thinkers
episode has changed the course
of my year, I think.

19

John was in my dream.
Found our love hadn't lessened
all these years later.

18

I look down through floors
The machines that make our world
Are massive structures

15

church bells comforted
as they rang out somewhere and
made their way in me

11

is there a word for:
stranger's voice startles, doesn't
sound as imagined

10

Olivia and

I hike, run into Danielle.

Then Rick's with Michael.

3

Jay's daytime downtime
Sitting in an empty bar
On a Saturday

2

square jaw, swollen face.
eliminate teeth grinding.
so, what ghost? and why?

30

I obsess over

The loss of life and shrink so

I may avoid it

29

Purple Rain was song
that came to mind that would help
me through the sadness

28

we talk religion
mom now knows brothers and I
just don't have that faith

27

cry about Noah
his death, his life, his impact
on me, a stranger

26

mom says chill pretty
frequently and it jars me
each time as foreign

25

learn Teague parrots too!
we repeat others words to
show we're listening

24

how the light changes

throughout the year, feel the earth

tilt on its axis

19

some days...put me on

a bus and my eyes will find

a reason to cry

18

Spider made a home
in my sink, and that's how long
I've not done dishes

15

my brain rattles, shakes
I get on a bus because
what else could I do?

14

Something's wrong, we coast 

downhill, through intersection.

Brakes are not working.

13

Yesterday, a truck
Today, a human being
First on set romance

12

I swoon over truck
And feel a little weird to
Love an object so

11

My steps still rain soaked
Layered leaves too wet to sweep
How long 'til they're dry?

10

How long has this chair
been stuck in the bushes out
my bathroom window?

8

Rain-soaked passengers
Fog the windows. Big dopey
Windshield wipers wipe.

7

I'm just living, it's
just a life, and these are my
favorite people.

6

Couple walks uphill
She tugs yarn-like plant on wall
He keeps on going

5

End of day slides in
Not sure where it came from or
Why it's notable

4

to go coffee cup 

stayed standing after I backed 

out from parking spot

3

Dreamt of Aaron G,

junior high crush, who hasn't

crossed my mind in years

1

There are always streets
You haven't walked down so try
Something new, ok?