31

Springsteen serenades.
Climb in five friend megabed.
Needed human touch.

30

A home for nearly
2 years. But now I move on.
Take it as it comes.

29

My half's almost done
Naively never thought this
Is how I'd move out

28

Small talk at storage
Waiting for elevator
Guy's being chatty

27

An hour with Jenna
Annual LA meeting.
Old friends are special.

26

So I'll pack up bags

And get a storage unit

But life's not on hold

25

Solitarily
confined to desert, my mind
...too enlightenment.

24

I trust in desert
(deeply) to heal even as
wind beats my tent down.

23

Gets goofy at work
Some sort of senioritis
For mid-week days off

22

Soft on myself now
Not hard, rough, or patient.
Gentle if I err.

21

Dishes 'til hands dry

and feet tire, then walk with friend

Head home for a bath

20

new job with skylight
paid well to make you coffee,
smile, and do dishes

19

still sit by traintracks
while practically dealing
with situation

18

marvel at dandruff,
mine in particular, as
she massages my scalp

17

Obsessed with cupboards

Must use everything up

Before I move homes

16

Selling off my stuff
Make deals out of parking lot
Making life smaller

15

Back in the same spot

Still trying to chart my course

Where am I going

14

Write under the moon

My life is different now

I am not the same

13

At desert cabin

with friends, meteors, Jim Beam.

Sprawled, look to the sky.

12

It's been a rough month
console mind with tickets to
Neutral Milk Hotel

11

Rush to see new spots
Dismal, sad and not my home
None of them will work

10

Continue the streak
Fall asleep to Gilmore Girls
Each night, without fail.

9

I've been van sitting
During lunch breaks to clear mind
Railroad tracks, mountains

8

Neighbor's fire alarm
Fire truck, they break her door in
Congregate outside

7

Cinder block wall stare.
Neighbors having band practice
and street argument.

6

I'll miss goat man

and his daily practice of

singing opera.

5

the same songs repeat

most of them sad, the same ones,

push me through the day

4

Fake happy smiling.
Convincing others I'm fine,
Or better than that.

3

Tremble. What a word.
It's what's happening to me.
(And they say I'm strong.)

2

rainy day talking
not exactly processing
let the waves hit me

1

Pushing through the days
Unsteady, uneasy, and
Unsure of future

30

mom sends me a text
about tucking me in tonight
she saw my sadness

29

wind whips while we walk
trusting there's a back-way home
we know it exists

28

family, somehow,
puts pause on my pain, sometimes,
for some brief moments

27

This early, we talk
Drew drives me to the airport
I stand on the curb

26

another bed-sit
where I want to check and see
if this is all real

25

Finally speaking
Out of me, it sounds like life
But mind won't let go

24

my worst yoga yet
shines a bright light on resolve
being there is all

23

take myself to spa
try to clean out my sadness
and sweat out my tears

22

learn to slaughter birds
kill a chicken for dinner
wasn't a big deal

21

contact lens falls out
in a cafe, lopsided
found it hour later

20

weak, I suck in smoke
as I try to reach something.
but it eludes me.

19

I'm so sad that he

Offers a hug, leaves, comes back

But he still leaves me

18

sleep with tv on
wake up turn off then can't sleep
then it goes back on

17

keep smile on my face
don't let emotions seep from
sad music in ears

16

take two walks with friends
attempt to process the pain
end up in circles

15

I built a black hole,
Miles explains, that's how toy car
got to Parker's hand

14

Uprooted and mute
Go about it too mature
Shocked state propels me

13

retreat to insides
finalizing my heartbreak
(could be a repeat)

12

"These days I'm mostly
tryin' to postpone" he sings
of being alone

11

And that's how it ends
Forced a conversation and
Then it all dissolved

10

Shoulder doesn't hurt
Have hope that it's permanent
Worth the money, time

9

Trade knowledge for stuff
Lemons, batteries, and soap
And I talk coffee

8

Not a risk taker
Play it safe, or not quite safe
But don't go get it

7

Reminisce with Mac
Review decade plus friendship
For the best moments

6

Radio station
Volunteering is good, but
No KEXP

5

Look myself in eyes
Connect mind and body for
Full ninety minutes

4

Pick up my laundry
Yenni and I talk about
Our relationships

3

Skip yoga to hang
He had practice after all
Watch TV instead

2

Another day of
Snuggling our little Dijon
She's got will to live

1

Go look at the moon
In the sky, and the streetlamps
Teach him quiet, loud

31

Kitty 911.
Seizure. We rush to the vet.
Give her oxygen.

30

Decade passed, new state
Run into an old roommate
On streets of LA

29

I've cut back on booze
But that doesn't stop me from
Hanging out at Jay's

28

Take a bath in books
Don't read so much as allow
To wash over me

27

today is a day
lots of things happening and
good to be useful

26

Photo editing

To Toni Braxton, Des'ree,

Serial, Maron.

25

Editing all day

Progress in portfolio

Voice reveals itself

24

Parker and Gabe play
"GOT YOU!" and wrestle Big Bird
"again" and giggles

23

Talk about Sasquatch
Earth in a nutshell, he says
Smiling, not joking

22

As work day's ending
Start talking philosophy
Of business and growth

21

Had bad bartender
So we go eat at Chego
Ride merry-go-round

20

Long days that I like

Not every day, just one

On Mondays each week

19

One dead end canyon
And a steep climb with some stretch
My torso is sore

18

Turtles from beer tops
Flipping them on the table
Inventing a game

17

Cool dude Friday night
Working away and that's cool.
Quiet. Solo. Good.

16

Head uphill after
writing letter and drink tea,
sit with Elena

15

Moment of slow pause
Dark pockets of hills expose
Crisp lines folding peaks

14

We crack ourselves up
Knocking on the bathroom wall
This stuff makes us match

13

Fashion icons, first

Phoebe from Magic School Bus

And then Riz from Grease

12

A house funeral
I do dishes and eat food
Skip living room mass

11

Planned it out ahead.
Wrote "sleep in!" in cursive and
It worked, slept soundly.

10

No dream car or bike
Got all I need for a while
No long list of wants

9

Bartender Eric
and his Lasagna Story.
Sisters' made him hurl.

8

So many steps to
rearrange an office and
we're getting closer.

7

7 AM PT
Face creases from tough massage
I breathe into it

6

And in mail today:
a brother-carved maple spoon
and letter to cats.

5

I'm aware cool things
happening outside today
Prefer inside house

4

"Regulator" plays
I think of Michael Eckhardt
The links in my brain

3

He said goodbye to
tio Nelson this morning.
A funny, good man.

2

Walking to and from
Los Feliz regularly
Sun there, nightfall back

1

Have to get better
At telling (certain) people
The truth more bluntly

30

me as a human
post radical acceptance
slowed down exchanges

29

Sitting with hot tea

After work, with time to read

Before hot yoga

28

Trade School LA class
Then lunch in Highland Park with
Friend I used to know

27

postcard & letter
from friends on two continents
arrive the same day

26

He's processing pain
And I aid with ears, wings, pool
We're gonna be out

25

Tears, sadness at bar

He missed opportunities

Uncle is dying

24

Least favorite sound
An old woman clips her nails
On the bus to work

23

A dinner with friends
From Seattle who live here
Catching up on years

22

Food prep and coffee

Pre-physical therapy

And then the workday

21

Order list of things.
One through five, get through them all.
My Sundays these days.

20

Obsess over thing.

It's been chess, bikram, tennis.

Now it's pool non-stop.

19

playing with pool sharks
who invited us to join
and we won one game

18

A great haircut and
an afternoon on the town
and three sandwiches.

17

When it works, it works.
Great meeting with client/friend.
Discuss, strategize.

16

it's music for kids
but their banter all cursing
makes show for grown ups

15

Father teaches son
to make kissy sounds at me.
How harassment lives.

14

Danced into today

Then he made me laugh to tears

We're both happier

13

Finally the day

For blueberry banana

Pancakes for breakfast

12

Ongoing basis
Allow my self-awareness
To thrive so I grow

11

Herd of big horned sheep
Graze, then scale a wall of rock
I watch, mesmerized

10

lopsided moonrise
desert bound, head to saloon
highway walk, play pool

9

Thumbs up to real life
Witnessing other people's
Lives as they happen

8

Articulating

Insecurities, esteem

Explain how I'm here

7

We talk of balance
His was out, mine might be in
He's angry, not sad

6

How sweet it becomes
as one of us loses steam
the other picks up.

5

Never worked somewhere
with coworker wearing a
Jurassic Park shirt

4

If we are our cats
I am Dijon, he is Munch
Our ways shine through them

3

Started a new job.

Six months later, a great fit.

No settling for less.

2

Lose days to heartache
Its potential, it's out there
But not mine today

1

No sleep, and I'm home
Started to write out of fear
Disintegrating

31

Construct and improve

Leads to beer drinking nonstop

I say can't drive home

30

Kafka's The Castle
Consume in chunks mixed with sleep
Until he wakes up

29

A bus, car, and beer
Sit in window some floors up
Picklebacks at Cole's

28

still sorting film rolls
kept thinking i was close to
done, but ends extend

27

Prioritizing
And trying each day to think
About time I spend

26

Watch Blaze Foley doc

see him perform "Clay Pigeons"

quickly moved to tears.

25

Really succeeds at
hurting my feelings at once.
Doesn't even know.

24

Put a lot in day:
Time Bank meet, sold tires, sorted
negs, cleaned Lucile fridge

23

Dijon snuggles hard
Butts head against his face
To get more love out

22

Asked for more, got it.
Did I mention my new job?
Part time, pays enough.

21

Practice fire pit fish
They dug a hole, lined with stone
For dinner tonight

20

Dinner at table
Proper meal, first time since spring
We eat together

19

Finally call Mark
for a brief conversation
about where we are.

18

At Burrito King
Post show recovery food
Head home to enjoy

17

I'm marching downtown
A body in the protest
Against killer cops

16

Again, a late night
Leads to a quiet morning
He sleeps til mid-day

15

At last, here it is:
I've got to make space in life
For creative side.

14

Converse with myself.

Why the long face? I'm lonely. 

But you're not alone!

13

Fill up my time with

Deliveries, friends' projects

And domestic work

12

We still talk for hours
Four years later, we haven't
Covered it all yet

11

Shoulders down. Further.
Stop being hard on yourself.
Sleep til you wake up.

10

Take metro downtown
Up the steps, walk up seventh
Towards the Monty

9

Kill a couple hours
Read short stories in Spanish
And eat some pizza

8

Three blocks to bus stop
Fucking dudes and catcalling
Walk it anyway

7

Cicada sound bath
I search, unsuccessfully,
For a shooting star

6

Giggling in Palm Springs
Time crawls as I dart here, there
Pool to patio

5

How much is time worth?

20 minutes to sell clothes

For fourteen dollars.

4

Today. I can say.
I am slowly getting the
Hang of this lifestyle.

3

Boyle Heights with David
Life talks and the direction
I am going in

2

Rock and rolling and
Going to sleep knowing I've
Got work in 3 hours.

1

Text my mom results
Despite dad's family genes
Cholesterol's low

31

On floor, repeating:
"It's okay. What do I do."
Be fine tomorrow.

30

Social life switched on
Bowl with former VCers
Then Dead Dawn party

29

Today, finally,
Rhythm of my life kicks in
And it feels all right

28

Arielle's late but
there's Eric and Katrina!
Catch up with them first.

27

Some days are packed tight.
Chauffeur, be an extra, shop,
Consult, boil eggs, read.

26

Guy walks by the bar
with large ziploc bag full of
all the things he needs

25

Got so much in brain.

Ugh. I'm not sure where to start.

I got to sit down.

24

The hot air from fan
Leads me to read Blade Runner
Seems appropriate

23

Articulating

About adults and support

The differences

22

Cut watermelon

Sorted negatives Made bread

Went to Jay's Cleaned house

21

I put catching up
In front of getting things done
Over and over

20

Feelings all mixed up.
Set to process in real time.
Listen to the thoughts.

19

Modern Cat Groomer,
Fiberglass Laminator.
Some of my options.

18

Asleep, beer in hand.
I don't like it, but he's beat
Almost all the time.

17

Homebody Extreme
The cyclical phase is back
I'll stay close to home

16

Drop van for repairs
Meet his band in Echo Park
Eat dinner at Elf

15

Airport Milkee Way
Nostalgic, but the wrong choice
Sugar in my veins

14

Spend my day with mom
Gym and the mall, then visit
Lisa's new baby

13

Last day in Tetons
Mark left drunk early morning
Rest of us drive home

12

Mountains overlook
Marinna and Jeremy
Their campground wedding

11

Ninety six minutes.
Time it took mom to tell us
to fuck off (nicely).

10

Walk to the metro

To take train to get on bus

To take an airplane

9

Sucked into movie
Don't think I'll get to bed soon
But I'm packed for trip

8

Quiet morning here
Savory oatmeal on break
And look at the news

7

Getting all the things
Taken care of as I can
Plot it out with map

6

Kate and I often
Drive the whole way there or home
Without any tunes

5

Magical moments
Of music in the forest
Bodies in water

4

Picked up around two

But we don't actually 

Leave LA til five.

3

We eat barbeque
Two meals in a row, followed
by homemade meat pie.

2

I rush home from work

Like the days I worked full time

I'll find him at home

1

A time dollar spent
Stranger asks questions. She says
Focus on why, not how.

30

Movement's not pleasant
The slow pain has got to go
Repeat with focus

29

Details of my life:
Guy bikes by blasting Deltron
Hang out with children

28

Ate too much at Jay's
But drank the perfect amount
Then Allumette closed

27

It just dawns on me
I'm meant to support right now
It's not about me

26

We have the best days
But sometimes when the night comes
Tired gets best of us.

25

Same house with new feel
Still sneaking out with Laura
To catch up outside

24

around a table
all food groups represented
for summer grilling

23

Alternate Roadhouse,
WTF podcasts
while sorting film rolls.

22

If I was donut,
he says, I'm apple fritter
from Winchells. His fave.

21

Overheated house
Won't stop us from having buds
Over to play games

20

Biking home in sun
With eight pounds of pig trotters
(for Gabe) in panniers.

19

It is not early
We're just getting out of bed
Child comes to visit

18

Realized today
it's no joke to do what i want
and it's up to me

17

The new way we spend
His Weds/Thurs weekend is to
Close down all the bars

16

Brief hammock moment
Elena and I talk of
Our childhood dream jobs

15

Playing Billy Joel
I know the words, they move me
As Mark and I drive

14

Getting deeper in
It's not becoming clearer
More and more muddy

13

Drive out to Redlands
Talk big theories, our small lives
Keep working it out.

12

Why is small talk with

Extended family so 

Much harder to make?

11

Scrabble at the bar
Recover from hangovers
By making new ones

10

Hosting a dinner

At our house gives me good feels

Always a success.

9

These are the days I've
Been meaning to have since I
Started by stopping

8

There are a thousand,
no, more than one thousand days
represented here.

7

Reaching for a thing

That I swear has to be there

Haven't found it yet

6

Just went to the store

And bought a new computer

Kept putting it off

5

Remember that cat
Carrying large soda cup
By straw to cat-friend?

4

Send good vibes request
And get them; A reminder
Always surrounded

3

Second guess myself

Late to final interview

Consumed with error

2

Thirty pounds litter
On my head, walking home, and
I don't have my keys

1

Groceries, Market
Then beach chatter with ladies
An ideal Sunday

31

Still is not lazy

But it still feels similar

If I'm not mindful

30

Back in my city!
For interview that went well.
The future is full.

29

Wasn't what I thought

Through 9 states I'd return to

Two thousand plus miles

28

Final day on road

finally make photographs

Meant to all along

27

downpour welcomes us
to Omaha then clears up
sit in swivel chairs

26

Late nights, late mornings

Slow move, coffee and then drive

We cross the country

25

She has new name, child

Takes me to cemetery

To see Sanders' grave

24

Something in Charleston
Tugged at me - the look, the light
Felt it, then drove on

23

Pause at the Raven
Sit with beer. Don't write, Don't talk.
Taking it all in.

22

Glorious to be
Stomp stomping (by bike) around
Smile at how we've grown

21

It's familiar
In District six years later
Bates House and fish feast

20

Last night let it out
Still true but feeling better
Needed to be heard

19

Having a hard time
When I bring it up to friends
It's mostly dismissed

18

Sun sits on my skin
Dip in river to shoulders
Empty brain outdoors

17

Too much for 3 lines.
Big trees. Otter. Late moonrise.
Glowing bat?? Dirt roads.

16

Cows in the campsite
So we go north, by river
Find our perfect spot

15

Definitely danced
Through the house, chanting, arms up
Got an interview

14

Call it productive
But it's just a normal day
Like all of the rest

12

And so there I was
Back of a motorcycle
On the 101

11

Tonight I planned to
Take a long quiet bath but
I went out instead

9

I know I don't know
I don't know I do not know
I don't know I don't

8

One day and two texts
Folks who were once in my life
Faded but still there

7

Whole day is haircut
Seems that way, but then also
A burger + fries

6

Music moves my soul
Not just shifts, but alters me
Starts inside, and swells

5

Planned an afternoon
Friends, Settlers, and Mac & Cheese
It's what I wanted

4

Getting good advice
Following it's the work
And I intend to

3

New saddle hurts butt
Gotta ride everywhere
To loosen it up

2

She says there doesn't
Seem to be serious harm
Just muscles guarding

1

Two children in front
Change my pace and remind me
To slooooooooooooowwwwww down. No rush.

30

Paid to return things
Paid to advise business
Pay to drink a beer

29

Positive thoughts must
Outweigh negative chatter
Silence and harness

28

I make a small list.
Look at it, sort of, sideways.
I call it a day.

27

Two months in this state
Acknowledged uncertainty
Feels directionless

26

His band's families
Tell stories about years past
In awe, I listen

25

Whiskey Waffles +
Pineapple Pancakes Party.
Drank, but ate neither.

24

Almost paralyzed
By the things I haven't done
I'm working through this

23

Attempt a routine.
Cover letters, yoga, and
decide on new goals.

22

the weight of my day
sitting in this chair gazing
hours pass too quickly

21

To make progress takes
So much time making small moves
Trust that it will work

20

Biking place to place
Up steep hills, don't know the way
To houses and parks

19

The best day is when
the person who deserves it
Gets the job they want.

18

We're townies tonight
Bar to bar to bar to bar
Observing people

17

Can't sleep. Consumed by
recalling the moral of
Princess & the Pea.

16

Grumpy lady day
Nice customers, a good sweat
The day is done soon

15

To a new LA
neighborhood for a potluck
and a Scrabble game.

14

Lazy without a
Lazy day intention means
I get frustrated

13

Watch golf on tv
While I both wait and think on it
What is it, for me?

12

Knees ache from standing
though looser after bike home
Fall on bed, read news

11

Waiting room reading
Mixed with people watching
Witnessing this world

10

Quiet reflection
On the things that are passed me
Before I steer on

9

Filled my birthday with
rye pancakes, french fries, beer, pie
plus so many friends!

8

Ev'ry so often
A collection of moments
Leads to perfect day

7

Lists, like to make them
And more, to cross a thing off
As I get things done

6

Yoga for shoulder
Night guard worn for grinding teeth
Splint for crooked foot

5

Sit side patio
Two ladies puzzling it out
Time I need to take

4

A future's out there
So I'm searching, or something
For where I could end

3

Learn about eyeballs
Doctor says I'll have degree
By the time I leave

2

In Oakland graveyard
Walk with Lauren, Linnea
Before driving home

1

Coffee, booze, rain walks
Then out the window I see
Hometown friend on street

31

My preferred palette
Rainbow in rearview mirror
Sun sets on rain clouds

30

Sometimes I show up
And my friends (and their parents)
Make me feel so loved

29

We just get better
As time passes As we gain
Trust in our own skin

28

Reassures me when
Mom says she made similar
Choices in her life

27

as a hard worker
it's the non-work soul searching
that is the challenge

26

not ready for home,
we get locked in a bar from
1:30 to 2:00

25

our adventure day
tugs + pulls, but we settle
on brisket, root beer

24

a great Bikram class
then three beers, to see if
yoga offsets booze

23

Watched an interview
between Z. Smith, Adichie.
They covered it all.

22

Sit on kitchen bench
Reading Rushdie, sneaking smokes
Think of my future

21

On some days, when time
Allows it, we wake up, eyes
Toward each other

20

Am I back? I'm back.
I build on the past, things passed
And set days to words.

12

Breakfast cooks slowly
Borrowed camp stove versus wind
Sip coffee, look out

11

My heart beats out mouth
As we step foot by foot up
To reach Ryan's top

10

Packing up the van
Accomplishing to do lists
For desert escape

27

I get so inspired.
"Everything happens so much!"
I can't be idle.

15

They are sprinting up
This hill of Lucile after
Stef swung Gabe around

14

Celebrate my loves:
Stef, Gabriel, and Jay's Bar.
It's an easy life.

25

Is it true love if
you realize with all the
love you'd live without

24

We see Eric throw
Something and it makes the trash
Love is in moments

21

While I listen to
Someone sing "I am your man"
Wonder if he would

14

That coffee was decaf -
the whole time - in Ohio
And now I vibrate

13

Airport eavesdropping
With a Budweiser or three
Take on alone time

12

Assisted Living:
between dorm and jail, she says,
mixed with children's games.

11

Aunt asks what I like
Instead of "where do you work?"
How it ought to be

10

Try to be honest
About the state of all things
Without scaring her

9

Fly in to Denver
Meet my mom on the airplane
On to Ohio

1

around one thirty
Prince is playing; we're dancing
We're smiling big smiles